F Words

The F word is a big deal around here these days and it's infuriating. Where do they learn it? At first, I wasn't sure they actually knew what it was. I heard Harry and Ike whispering and snickering over lots of different F words: fart, fat, fart. Mostly just fart. Then a mother at school came up to me and said one boy (not Harry) taught her boy "the F word." She didn't say the boy taught her son "fuck." She actually said "the F word." Now I understood. She was the Typhoid Mary of the F word. 

The F word is the problem of course, not the word fuck. The F word is lame. It's just a thing to get everyone giddy with little boy boners. It's useless. You can't say, "F word this," or "F word you," or "Bad Ass Mother F word-er." It's just a place holder for an obscenity, not a real one. It conjures the curse, without inflicting any of the delectable damage.

And the real issue is there's no turning back now. I can't get them to unlearn "the F word."The taboo is too bonerific. The only way to rob the F word of its power is to diminish it by comparison. My only choice is to teach them how to properly use the word Fuck. 

Ike will be easy. When he says, "I want some juice!" it rings like "I want some fuckin' juice!" "I have to poop, Daddy" is already "I gotta take a fuckin' dump, bro."

Harry will be tougher. He's not really an expletive kind of kid. I'll have to work it in as a way to amplify his feelings. For instance, I think he could manage, "Levi's the cutest fuckin' baby in the world, Mama." Or maybe, "I love you so so so fuckin' much, Daddy."